Highlighting Dan Moore
I'm kicking off a series where I highlight someone in my network who's really good at the things our app helps you do, and interview them so we can all learn from them.
We often think that some people are "just good at networking" because of how they were born. But when we ask about their techniques, we can see that real intentionality is behind their talents.
Introducing Dan Moore
Today, I'm highlighting Dan Moore. Even if you're not in the Denver/Boulder tech scene, you probably still know of him from all the work he does in the tech community. He's the author of Letters to a New Developer, and he's a fellow contributor to 97 Things Every Cloud Engineer Should Know. He also covers customer identity and access management news and analysis at CIAM Weekly.
No doubt he contributes to what makes FusionAuth one of the best places to work as a Senior Director of CIAM Strategy & Identity Standards. I could go on and on, but let's hear from Dan in this generous interview.
On Connection
Annie: You're a natural connector and someone who makes others feel seen and heard. What's one thing that comes naturally to you and one thing that you have to work hard at to make this happen?
Dan: Thanks for the compliment. One thing that comes naturally to me is trying to find some way I can help whoever I'm talking to. It's just fun for me to think about what they're interested in and go through my mental list of people that I know who might be good for them to connect to.
One thing that's difficult is actually starting conversations with strangers. I use the hook technique that I've learned over the years (actually wrote about it here). Just offering a stranger more than the default amount of information about myself makes for way easier conversation. Once you find that connection, it's easy to have a deeper conversation, but for me, the initial stage is really tough.
Annie: Do you have someone that challenges your assumptions more effectively than anyone, and how do you maintain that relationship?
Dan: Finding someone who cares enough to challenge your assumptions is really tough.
In the professional world I found many folks don’t care or are too busy. Some people are happy to be supportive.
But the number of times that I've had someone say “whoa” or “are you sure about that”? is very few. I'm not sure if that's just me or if it's typical. But I think that few people care enough to take that risk. So I lean on family and old friends.
Maintaining that kind of relationship requires supporting it beyond just when I am in need.
I am also there to help them when they need something or to celebrate their wins.
Additionally, I try to be as clear as I can about any situation I ask them for advice on, including giving specifics. I always ask for confidentiality when appropriate, even if there’s no way they’d know the participants. Finally, it’s important to follow up after they give me advice and share how that situation went. This shows that you value their input, even if you didn’t do exactly what they suggest.
Annie: Reciprocity doesn't always look like an apples to apples trade in every relationship. What does reciprocity look like in your most valuable professional relationships?
Dan: Making time for each other. Celebrating their wins. Advocating for them when they aren’t in the room.
Moving beyond the professional and asking (and caring) about the other parts of their lives. Colleagues are people too.
I don’t think reciprocity in professional relationships is transactional (“if you do this for me, I’ll do that”). Instead, it is more about equivalence in effort, where the timespan is months or years. It’s more similar to friendship (and can lead to true friendship) rather than a marketplace transaction.
Annie: Do you have any rituals or habits for staying connected to people who stretch your thinking?
Dan: When you find this kind of person, it’s good to stay in touch. But you need to calibrate this to the strength of the relationship.
The easiest thing to do is to connect to them electronically and let software do much of the work. This could be connecting on a professional network like LinkedIn, a social network like Instagram, joining the same meetup, or even subscribing to their newsletter.
For more in-depth connections, I schedule an event in my calendar to follow up with them and set up an in-person or zoom coffee. I have a few folks I’ve been meeting with for years, once every few months. Some people are even on my holiday card list.
It’s also okay to meet for a while and if your situations change, let them go. I remember one regular coffee I had with a former co-worker that ended after it was clear the value we were getting wasn’t reciprocal (he had founded a company and I hadn’t; the discussions we had just weren’t what he needed). We’re still friendly, but no longer connected in the same way.
Align
Annie: How do you approach relationships where you're clearly the one learning vs. the one teaching?
Dan: While you can learn a lot when you are teaching, the relationship between teacher and student is unequal, and the power imbalance is tilted toward the teacher.
When I’m learning, I put in more effort. For example, when I am learning something, I often reach out to folks further along in their journey than I am. I’m doing so now about AI. In that case, I’m very flexible on when and how I’d like to meet.
On the flip side, I’ll often have folks reach out to learn about a job I posted, wanting to “grab some of my time”. In this case, I’ve learned the most effective response is “sorry, I can’t meet sync this week, but if you have questions about the job, happy to answer them via email” (or slack). Setting boundaries like this helps me be effective and save time.
These are tactics, though. The bigger principles are:
- Be courteous on either side
- Clearly communicate what you are trying to achieve
- Realize who is the constraint/who is more likely to benefit from the relationship
- If you are less likely to benefit, make sure you set boundaries such that you can continue to offer up your time and expertise
- If you are more likely to receive the benefit, be flexible and accept boundaries and conditions. Also, do your homework.
Annie: Do you have 2-3 people who advocate for you when you're not in the room? How did those relationships develop?
Dan: Yes, I’ve inferred that, or a few times been told that explicitly. It’s a weird thing to know because I’d feel weird asking for that in the general sense. If I have a specific ask (“I’d really like to be on that project, can you please see if I can be added to it”) then it is less weird.
Think about it from the other side. To be able to advocate for someone not in the room, you:
- need to know what they want
- need to trust they are going to deliver
So, if you want to be advocated for, show these traits. They aren’t sufficient, but they are necessary.
As for details on how those relationships developed, they did so over years and there was deep trust and repeated delivery on my part.
Annie: Do you have a practice for staying connected to what senior leaders actually care about, rather than what you assume they care about?
Dan: This obviously depends on the size of the company and your relationship to senior leaders. So I’ll answer based on my experience at smaller companies.
I think knowing what is important to the business is a good proxy for this. This means keeping your ear to the ground, noticing what deals are important, what has shipped and not shipped, and what are new initiatives.
You can also notice what they say in all-hands meetings, in their public remarks, or in their internal emails. You can ask questions in those all-hands meetings, just don’t ask gotcha questions.
Asking for their thoughts via email is a good way to do this too. But take the time to craft the question and do your research. Don’t ask something that you can find the answer for another way. And don’t do this too often–once a month is probably the most often I’d do it.
Partner
Annie: How have peer relationships changed how you think, not just what you know?
Dan: It’s amazing to me the diversity of ways people approach problems. Approaches often depend on where people sit in the organization. And that’s always a good way to expand your thinking.
I think peer relationships are less fraught than manager or direct report relationships, so they give you a chance to have conversations that are a bit more free-form or honest. These are opportunities to be more vulnerable, including asking things like “I don’t quite understand X, what are your thoughts on it?”
Annie: Sometimes we can be pretty siloed from our own teammates because we're off in our own. What does collaboration look like with them?
Dan: The mechanics of this are team and culture dependent. But collaboration to me implies a few things:
- That you know your teammates well enough to feel comfortable asking them for something
- You know what to ask them for (like, what they can help with)
- You are comfortable enough in your job/position to ask for help
Specifically to me, collaboration can take a number of forms:
- Slack message asking for their thoughts
- Asking for review of a document or code
- Hopping on a video call
- Working on a long term project with shared goals together
Crucially, collaboration in the workplace doesn’t always have to be mutual aid. It can be just you asking for help. Or just you helping someone out.
But if it isn’t a two way street repeatedly, then consider empowering the asker with knowledge, training or authority.
Guide
Annie: You don't have to be a manager to guide someone. Is there anyone that looks to you for guidance and leadership? If so, what do they do that makes you proud?
Dan: At my current role, I work with a lot of folks on the technical sales team and I’m always proud when they address a prospect’s questions with the diligence and rigor that they deserve. It’s always awesome when they correct me about the product or an assumption I’ve made.
I’ve also set up processes around support and documentation. These have been in place for a while, but I’m always proud when people take them, own them, and improve them.
This points out something subtle about guiding people. Sometimes you do that in a way you can notice (mentoring). Other times, it might be via processes or documentation that they inherit. In that case, you might never know that they have been guided, because there’s no direct feedback.
You quite often don’t know the impact you have when you take the time to document something or set up a checklist or automate a process.
Network
Annie: What's your favorite thing to do to meet up with your broader network, the folks with whom you share values and are generally fans of each other?
Dan: Tech meetups are a fav, where I can learn from professionals that I don't work with. The pre-meetup conversation, before the presentation, can be a bit awkward but you can learn so much from other professionals if you show up and have interest in what they are doing. It won't always be directly applicable to your work or life, but there's always something to learn.
I think conversations on slack or linkedin are good options too. Go ahead, comment on that post! They are shallower but are public which has benefits for both parties. In some cases, they can reinvigorate older relationships in a way that is sustainable, or connect you to someone who lives across the world that you'll never meet in person.
Looking Back
Annie: Has your approach to professional relationships evolved over time? If so, how?
Dan: I’ve realized how important they are. I’ve also realized how, at a certain point, they blur the line between the personal and the professional.
I’ve realized that professional networking is kinda like working out. It’s way better to do them regularly in smaller doses than a large amount. I see people making the mistake of only networking when they have needs (usually when they want to switch jobs).
This is like trying to hop off the couch and run a 50k. Yes, it’s possible, but wow is it going to be harder than if you maintain your fitness over time.
What stands out in this conversation is how much of Dan's approach comes down to consistency and intentionality. That's exactly the idea behind People Work: your most important professional relationships deserve the same attention you'd give any other skill you want to keep sharp.
Be sure to follow Dan online: